Terrified
For the past 10 years, I have had a recurring nightmare involving me waking up in the middle of surgery. Unlike most dreams, Where the pain is not real and you know it’s a dream, the pain is real in this one. A blue eyed Dr. stands over me, and asks his assistant to hold me down, and I wake up sweating.
The only time I was ever in the hospital for surgery is when I was five, and I had my adenoids taken out. I recently discovered a photo of me in my hospital bed. I am five years old and Sesame Street is playing on the television in the background. The Dr. standing next to me has very blue eyes. I am convinced that I woke up in the middle of my adenoids surgery, and the dream is the memory that I retain. I have asked my parents about this numerous times. They deny it.
I have always managed to recover from this dream because I knew that I was not going into the hospital anytime soon. However, now that is not the case. I have to go into the hospital within a week to have a metal plate inserted into my arm, so I will be able to straighten it again. It will be much bigger surgery than adenoids. I am terrified that I will wake up in the middle of surgery again, or something worse will happen. This surgery is not commonly performed on 15 year old girls. It is usually performed on little old ladies. In addition, lots of surgeons and doctors are on vacation or at conferences right now. The orthopedist says that if surgery is not performed within a week then a scar will start healing in the bone, and I may never be able to straighten my arm again without intensive physical therapy. I’m quite scared.
Because of this new development-the break is more serious than we thought-my father is becoming very protective. He won’t even let me walk 5 minutes from my house because he is scared that I might fall and have no one to help. As a result, I may not be able to go to the CTY reunion, which is one thing I wanted to do before CTY/surgery.
I’m going to go listen to canon now.
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