Here comes the Twilight Rant!

So it seems that every straight girl and a few of the lesbians in my grade, the grade above, and the grade below is utterly in love with the series known as Twilight. For those of you who have no idea what Twilight is or is about, it’s a series of four ridiculously long books about a (quote)ordinary(unquote) girl who moves to a town that is populated with a family of beautiful, perfect vampires. Here’s a synopsis from IMDB.

“When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks and meets the mysterious, alluring Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. With his porcelain skin, golden eyes, mesmerizing voice, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed to keep his true identity hidden, but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. What Bella doesn’t realize is the closer she gets to him, the more she is putting herself and those around her at risk. And, it might be to late to turn back…”

Okay. Now here’s some stuff I don’t like about it and its three sequels.

*Sexism. Bella seems quite a damsel in distress most of the time, and needs a big strong vampire to rescue her

*Mary-Sueness of Bella (no flaws, just a little “clumsy”)

*Perfect appearance of vampire characters

*Vampires do not die or suffer adverse effects in the sun as most literary and cinematic vampires do; in Twilight canon, they sparkle. Yes, they sparkle.

*There are also werewolves in Twilight. Wait-they’re not werewolves. They are shapeshifters, because they are not bound by the common werewolf rule that a werewolf change into a wolf when the full moon comes out, and only then.

*One of the werewolves is a pedophile! There is a love triangle throughout most of the series (Every time I see you falling, I get down on my knees and pray…) between Bella, the vampire Gary Stu Edward Cullen, and a shapeshifter named Jacob. Later in the series, when Bella has her baby Renesmee by Edward, Jacob imprints on the baby immediately because it’ll only take seven years for the baby to appear seventeen. How very sketchy!

*The obnoxious length of the books (Look Mommy, I’m reading a real book!)

*The need that Stephenie Meyer apparently feels to describe the color of a vampire’s eyes and hair every tim they appear.

*Too many Mary Sue-ish adjectives and adverbs!

*Personality deficiency in many characters (combined with the above, suggests a serious highlight of appearances and beauty over personality)

*Twilight fangirls and their tendency to kill anyone who dislikes the series

*No significant sacrifices made by any of the characters

*Bella treats her other friends as worthless when Edward and other vampires are around.

There are probably more and they’ll be added, but I have AP work to do.

~ by Luna on October 1, 2008.

One Response to “Here comes the Twilight Rant!”

  1. Indeed–it appears that Bella’s whole world falls apart when she thinks on Edward not being near!

    Check out this male’s perspective on Twilight(novel)–maybe my reasoning will resonate with you!

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